For our 6 month anniversary, my boyfriend and I jokingly accepted each other’s friend request. This seems crazy, but this is the tamest way I’ve seen it done. Sitting down strategically at the dining room table, like a business transaction, with stipulations such as, ‘This is what I can add, this is what you can’t add’ IS though, what I have heard done….
I’ve realized It opens up a whole new can of worms. Nothing is sacred, nothing is for yourself. Your man (or woman) sees all, although in a sick way, it almost can bring you closer, and I NEVER EVER EVER thought I would say that about any technology, let alone the face book.
And after you’re done w/ the formal request, and scanning and scopping eachother out, you don’t only have the present and future to deal with, but the past as well.
When people’s exes come up as your friend suggstions, and i’ve heard this happens, I’m left to wonder, is facebook truly useless fun, or can it help define a relationship for the ones not in it?… It can be many things for many different purposes. A photo album, a celebration, an invite, a method of contact (or for some their only method of contact), and ultimately, a way to mark your territory, or stake your claim. I think to my favorite metaphor of a couple running into one of their exes, and the girl, politely greeting the other girl in front of her, as she secretly eyes her up and down, while suddenly becoming fixated on an imaginary piece of lint, or FILL IN THE BLANK that has suddenly appeared on their boyfriend’s shoulder or back. There’s no mark; no dust, nothing there. The point is, I’m touching my man. Operative word- MINE. This situation is common, and only really applicable for girls. Guys are much more obtuse. So, in real life, it’s an imaginary piece of “that’s MY man you’re talking to” lint. But in cyber world, it might be a tagged photo, or status that you know will be seen by certain people.
And I miss a simpler time when love wasn’t muddled by technology.
Imagine if Romeo and Juliet spent all their time facebooking eachother? One Little status update could have saved everyone a world of pain, and death. If Bonnie and Clyde were busy checking into every bank they were about to rob, that crusade would have been a whole lot shorter. And I believe the “he loves me, he loves me not” game would be more akin to hitting refresh on some unimportant status, or page, and less about picking petals off a flower.
I always swore up and down that I would never be friends with a boyfriend on facebook. Theres no need for that, it’s an exercise in futility, and I’ve always prided myself on being somewhat of a private person, especially when it comes to facebook. My status updates have always been less heres where I am and what I’m doing, and more, random, piercing song lyrics that are meaningful to me, and would make someone else shrug, roll their eyes, or say that I’m dark, and obtuse. (Which has happened… a few times.) Even months into my new coupledom, I kept true to this side of myself, and continued on the path of private self righteousness.
And then something happened. I started smiling. A lot. The weird thing about being happy, is that when you are, you kinda want to spread it like a cold. And in today’s day and age, what better way to do that then with pictures, and words. (okay, and status updates, I guess). I found myself doing a lot of things I swore I would never in a million years partake in. Through the continued shock of some of my friends, after seeing some of these things surface, and wondering, how, and why, and what pod person had taken over my personality, I could only come up with one response when asked.. Fuck it.
But as with everything, there are politics to this game as well. Meeting someone you want to intertwine into your life is an intricate, intimate affair. But meshing your online lives can be slightly messier. If I had a penny for every story that I heard through someone, that involved someone obsessively watching their target’s page, spotting new friends, new lovers, or old ones, well let’s just say… I’m sure we all know 1 person, so you do the math. You can find out a lot about someone through the power of facebook; what people eat, where they go, who they date, and sometimes you can watch someone’s entire life unfold as if you were watching it in a movie theater. When this someone, is someone you used to love, like, etc, that can make things even trickier.
Now, I’ve gotten lucky. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend who was EVER online, on facebook, or anything similar, so although my heart and mind has already moved on, my brain never has to wonder, or sneak a peek just because, and therefore what I don’t know will forever remain just that way, unknown. and facebook can never alert, update, or suggest to me otherwise. And how many things can you say that about……